does life of a pinay sucks?

does life of a pinay sucks?

At times I wonder if things are meant to be so damn hard. As I look back on the last 23 years, I am overwhelmed with the amount of melancholy I have felt, by the hands of others, and myself. It was recurring. When you grow up in a home where your siblings happens to be great achievers, and your parents are expecting you to be at least like them, literally.. then how can you develop a good sense of your self worth? After years of this, how could you do anything but come to believe that what has been said could be nothing short of the truth?

When you are coerced, emotionally and physically, for the most momentous developmental years of your life, is it really hard to comprehend why you would grow up to accept this way of life as the norm? It is a very sad fact of life – you learn what you live.

But, when you finally realize that this does not have to be the case, how do you dig underneath all of the frustration and exhaustion, how far are you going to throw them, to find the real you? Or do you have to start all over, from scratch, and make up a whole new person?

I promised myself I will do with the best of my human capacity to satisfy people with their expectations about me for the interim. I set aside my dreams of either taking a religious vocation or plunging into a computer-related course to supplement my burning passion for gadgetry.

I took Accountancy, the school curriculum didn’t offer marginal allowance for failure, you only have a single slot! lose it once then its goodbye for you. Half hearted, I managed to consistently pull myself successfully with every challenge I faced. Even managed to finished my parents chosen course with flying colours and passed the board exam an exam consistently rated 2nd most difficult licensure exam, holding the 1st position are those of lawyers..

Looking back to all the things I have done, if feel like its time for me to do things my own way this time.

However, as I find myself sitting at our house terrace once again, I realized that when you are on a journey to “find yourself”, it is more likely to look at other people and say, that is who I would like to be, free of the burdens, the frustrations. But, thankfully, these days, I am instead saying, I just want to be ME. And I am learning to accept the fact that those things are already a part of my individuality. Everything, whether you like it or not, whether planned or spontaneous, happens for a reason.. we may never know if it’s going to be for the betterment of us, but at least you’ll just have to be optimistic and be ready for it.

I just need to find out what the rest of me looks like.