Child Favoritism

Child Favoritism

Why does child favoritism exist in a Filipino family? Like for example, the “bunso” or youngest child gets what he wants while the eldest gets what’s left only. In effect, creates an impression of child favoritism in the family – unknowingly.

I hate to admit it but it does exist. Mostly, Child favoritism happened because of its look. I mean, the prettier one gets more attention, really! Notice when you see a cute baby? You’d certainly pay more attention to that baby compared to those who are just normally looking babies. Agree?

Sometimes it’s the memory accompanied with the child.

Some first born was accompanied by bad memories. Like unexpected pregnancies.

But it is not always the case. In my family, the eldest is the favorite child and the rest of us are unexpected pregnancies. Lols. And so, we are less loved than our eldest.

But as we get older, a lot of things come into play. There is competition. It’s the smarter ones who get the ATTENTION more. Sometimes, those who are funny kids get attention. And occasionally, the hardworking child gets their admiration.

Filipino child favoritism is really a case to case basis. Usually, parents and grandparents tend to have a favorite child who pleases them. Examples, kids that will remove their gray hairs, massage their foot, always eat with them, shows respect “mano po” every time they arrived.

As a reward, they get more attention or even receive money as a gift often.

Younger child is a lot more naturally appreciative than his older siblings too. Remember when we were a child; we are very excited when our Mama or Papa arrived from work?

But this happiness tends to fade when we grow older. For the reason, parents also degrades their happiness to the eldest.

It’s really easy to judge parents that don’t give anymore attention to us. We see them as unfair. But it is because we already judge them. You will understand these things when you yourself become a parent.

There are different reasons why parents ignore their children. Usually its “emotional politics” that cause these attention problems. If you cause your parents a lot of frustrations, then your parents may not punish you physically but they will just stop paying attention.

If they find that you don’t care for them, they just stop caring for you.

But the most common cause is time. They just do not have the time to take care of so many kids especially if you are a big family.

We parents only have 16 waking hours.

When you divide your time it looks something like this:

  1. Preparing things for kids in the morning (cooking, fetching) 2 hours
  2. Work: (minimum) 8 hours
  3. Travel time back and forth 1 hour
  4. Wrapping things up in the evening or preparing for the next day (ex: iron clothes) 2 hours

So you have three hours left to spend with your self, your kids and your spouse. The way you manage this remaining time is what makes or breaks the family.

Yes, child favoritism can’t be totally avoided but my mother did a very remarkable to us all. Her secret? “Accept each child as a unique human being, love and respect him for his distinctiveness. “

We may be completely different from one another, but for sure, our parents love us the equal way.